That lady has a sausage.

I was just watching a television commercial. It was an advert for Chronic COPD. The dude was walking around his truck and wiping it off when he said "This gives me the freedom to do the things I really want to do". I sat watching, and thinking I would rather be waxing my car than working all day too! Man! That dude has it made! Then I realized that he is an actor, and HE is actually the one working and I am sitting on my ass watching television. Irony. I went to the carnival on Saturday night. I must admit my love for the midway. It was great to be in the midst of the lights, sounds and smells. One of the greatest smells I know, amongst fresh cut grass, morning surf and my new deodorant is Sausage with Peppers and Onions on the grill. I have two things I go after at the fair: Fried dough and Italian Sausage with O&P. I waited in line for 10 minutes to get my hands on one of those beauties. When I got to the grill, I made small talk with the woman handing out the subs. She asked me how many and my eyes widened. I ordered two. She asked if I wanted sauce. She meant Marinara Sauce and I declined. I love red sauce, but not all red sauces, if you catch my drift. I didn't want anything to interfere with the taste of those sweet onions. I tipped her two dollars and went back to Diana and the table by the band. The random dancin' dude was in full swing up front and the guitarist kept signaling for the drunken rowdies at the closest table to bring him a drink. They didn't get it and neither did he. I understood his sign language just fine, but I wasn't about to leave my tasty goodness to get back into another line. (The band

wasn't that good anyway.) Three quarters of the way into the first one, I felt the texture wasn't right and I looked closely at the sausage inside the roll. The center was raw! The only thing worse than an undercooked piece of meat is finding out it's undercooked after eating 3/4 of it. I brought it back to the booth and waited in line again. When I made it to the front, I showed the woman the sausage and told her, politely, that it was raw in the middle. She looked at the other woman in front of the grill and said "I need another sausage!" I showed her the one on the plate underneath and she quipped "Two!" at the woman. I said "Hold on a second, How do I know that this one is cooked? Are you using thermometers?" She just put one on a bun and shoved it into my hand. "You want sauce?" I said it again "How do I know that this one is cooked? How do YOU know it's cooked?" The other woman looked up from the grill with her inch thick glasses and said "You want sauce?" I smiled and looked at Diana. I looked back at the ladies and tried to dumb it down for them. The money taker put the knife into the bun and cut the sausage in my hand in two. Then she poked it with the tip of her knife and said "See there! It's cooked all the way!" I looked at it and saw that it wasn't. "No. No it's not cooked." I said. She leaned over and squinted... "You're right. It's not cooked!"

She asked if I wanted my money back, and honestly, I just wanted to make sure she wasn't selling any more raw sausages! She gave me the money back anyway and I took it. Sans the two dollar tip of course. I tip the kids at the movies every time I go. Just a buck, but it lets them know there is a plus to being fast, accurate and somewhat obsequious. What movie did I see today? Kick Ass. (I liked it.) I went to the flea market with Quinlan on Sunday. We walked around a bit and looked for some DVDs for him. We found one that he was interested in and brought it to the counter to pay. I opened it up as he was taking the money to the register and I noticed some scratches on the disc. When he returned with my receipt, I mentioned that there were some scratches and then stated that if it didn't play I would like to bring it back. He shook his head at me and said "Nope." "Seriously?" I said. "You wont take it back if it doesn't work?" He eyed the disc again and said "Those seem like minor scratches and it should be fine." Allowing no time for 'dead air' I quickly said "That's a keen observation, but nonetheless, I want to be able to bring it back if it doesn't play." The dude actually went back to the register and took the money back out of the drawer. He dropped it on the counter and took a long draw off of his Pall Mall no filter. Straight trippin' boo. I didn’t get sick from the sausage. I never got a fried dough either. We waited in line, but when we got within a few people, the dude came out and said that both fryers were down. We rode the Ferris wheel and drank a couple of beers. We people watched to our heart's content. The random dancin' dude is probably still dancing.