I could have gone surfing today

So... I could have gone surfing today. Here I sit. On my day off. I have driven all over the place today, and yet I feel like I've gotten very little accomplished. I ate crap today, or should I say "McCrap"? I almost spent a ton of loot on a car too. I am glad that I didn't spend the $. I am not happy about the McCalories and the McFat I ingested. Oh well. So I knew I wanted to buy a particular car. er... SUV. I knew that the one I wanted would be a bit more challenging to procure, but i knew I could do it. I searched the papers and internet and found what I was looking for. It was in a town about and hour and twenty minutes away. I called the dealer and told them I would be in on Monday. He called me back yesterday and asked where I was. I reminded him that I said MON-day not SUN-day and he said "So you're not coming today?" "That's correct dude." "So you ARE coming today then?" "No Brah. You are correct in your assumption that I will NOT be coming to see you today." "So you're NOT coming then?" "You're breaking up dude." And I hung up. So I went to see him today. When I got there, I passed 14 other car dealerships. Like the food court in the mall, but for cars. I scanned each lot frantically for another SUV like the one I wanted, you know, to have an option. Nothing came to view, but then again, I was worried about hitting the car in front of me so I didn't look too hard. When I got into the showroom, the dude came out. I shook his hand and looked at his shoes. (You can tell a lot about a person by their shoes.) He led me across the lot. As we were walking, I heard a crackle sound and watched as his arms shot up in the air and started waving frantically as he slipped in a pile of muddy sludge. Then he stopped and looked at his foot. I mean, he stared at it, incredulously. Then he moved on like nothing happened. I said "Yeah, I'm pretty excited too." We got to the car, opened the door and I was hit in the face with the wafting odor of wet dog. I looked at him and he squinted a bit, but then he regained his straight face. "You don't smell that I guess?" I said. "Smell what sir?" he replied. I put on an Irish accent and said "The dead carcass that seems to be playin' hide -n- go find meh under one of dees seats laddie". "I'm sure it's just a bit musty from the window being cracked... you know... with all this rain and all..." "Or maybe it's the sludge on your shoe?" I whispered. We drove the car around and I took it for a few miles down the road. I was happy to be in it. I love the car after all. When we returned, I went to the desk. I told him I would like to finance about 4,000. That's all. I would like to pay it back in about 6 months. I just want to stimulate my credit. I would be paying cash for the majority of the vehicle. He went to the computer and asked me to wait for a moment. When he returned, he put down a piece of paper that showed me the "deal" he was prepared to offer. It worked out to a repayment plan of 10,824.00. On a 4,000.00 loan. Yeah. Really. I spoke calmly and succinctly, like Agent Smith in The Matrix, when I said "I drove here from the beach for this?" "Really?" (Maybe it was more like The Godfather.) Then there was this "Blah Blah Blah" from him and I started to gather my stuff. He begged me to stay for a moment and said that this was only a "worse case scenario" offer. What did that even mean? Two trips to the back and the finance manager came out. He knew he was losing me and called out the big guns. This guy was truly no better. I left them with their dicks in their hands and their mouths open. I feel bad. I drove all they out there and back, test drove a car that I will never buy and filled my face with McCrapplesteins. The irony is that they are probably sitting there, right now, having a beer at the local strip joint, calling me the asshole. I could have gone surfing today.

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